Posted: February 14, 2018

Over the years I have hosted countless parent information sessions. Topics have ranged from academic rigor to the importance of extracurricular activities, from drug and alcohol awareness to scholarship preparation, from Fine Arts appreciation to supporting students around mental health. In each of those sessions, parents left with a better understanding of how they can work alongside the school to help ensure their son or daughter navigates the challenging teenage years as successfully as possible. Last night was no different. We offered a session here at school titled “Surviving and Thriving during the teenage years”. Those in attendance learned a little about the issues facing our youth, had the opportunity to ask some questions about challenges their son or daughter is facing or could face in the near future, and left with some new insights and information about the teen experience.

After each of these sessions I have always taken the time to reflect on the number of students who were represented at the session by parents or guardians, grandparents, or other significant members of that student’s support network. And while I am thankful for those people who come to learn about emerging issues and add knowledge or skills to their toolkit to support our students, I am often dumbstruck by the lack of numbers in attendance. It is not unusual for seventy-five or eighty percent of our students to not be represented at any given session. Last evening I was quite surprised by the exceedingly poor turnout. Over ninety-nine percent of our Dover Bay students did not have a parent or significant adult in their life attend our session. In fact, the numbers were so low that instead of going through the thirty-seven slides I had prepared for the evening, we had a roundtable discussion with the parents, our admin team, our R.C.M.P liaison, and our school counsellor. Five school staff and eight parents spoke for a little over an hour on important issues.

Having worked with teenagers for all of my adult life, I have come to learn that many students experience significant struggles with one or more significant emotional issue during their high school years. In addition to the challenges that school presents, teenagers are bombarded with social and emotional issues both in school and in their lives outside of the school setting. Some teens are open and honest with their parents about these challenges, seeking support and guidance along the way. Those are the exception. Most teens choose to exclude their parents from the emotional struggles of being a teen, opting instead to confide in close friends or to suffer through issues alone. The intention of last evening’s session was to help inform parents about some of these issues and encourage them to learn more about other challenges that their teen may be encountering, whether their teen has shared their concerns or challenges or not.

I don’t pretend to know your relationship with your teen, how knowledgeable you are of the issues they face, how much they rely on you for support and guidance, or how confident you are that you have the resources needed for this journey you are on together. When I ask teenagers how aware and involved their parents are regarding “Teen issues”, some indicate “pretty with it”, or “my parents know some of the stuff me and friends do”, while others reply ‘My parents are clueless”, or “They have no idea what me and friends are doing or going through”.

While I would like to think that each of our Dover parents are safely in the “with it and involved” category, evidence would suggest otherwise. So, with that in mind, here is a list of current or emerging issues that I worry about for my students, your children:

• Stress – unmanageable stress that impacts student’s ability to function at their best
• Depression – beyond feeling a little down. Actual prolonged depressive episodes
• Cell phone addiction – ask your son/daughter if you can have their phone for 24hrs…48hrs
• Self image – influence of artificial online perfection that students try to live up to
• Negative social media – online bullying, harassment, abusive language
• Sexting – asking for or sending nude pictures of self or others
• Violent video games – first person, violent shooter games
• E-Cigs – students inhaling unregulated, illegal, and harmful oils.
• Alcohol, marijuana, and other drug use
• Fighting and posting videos of their fights or fights they’ve recorded
• Lack of connection to peers or only superficial connection through social media
• Eating disorders
• Drinking Lean
• Using prescription drugs
• Watching Pornography – parents often underestimate (by 50% or more) if their son/daughter watches porn  
• Sexual assault/interference, rape – student lack of understanding of ‘consent’
• Inappropriate sexual relationships – grade 12 boys with grade 8 or 9 girls
• Poor nutrition – unhealthy eating habits
• Sleep deprivation – interrupted sleep due to smartphone use, lack of sustained, sufficient hours of sleep
• Sexualized dress/behaviour
• Unhappiness – studies link increase in teen unhappiness with advent of smartphone
• Family – decreased communication/involvement in family activities or increased parent/teen conflict

This list is just a glimpse into some of the issues our teens face.

I encourage you to speak with your teenager about some or all of these topics. I would be surprised if your son/daughter is not concerned, confused, or challenged by at least two or more of the issues listed above.  

Our work as educators is more effective when our parents are actively involved in the social/emotional lives of our students. Being a teenager has never been easy. It was not easy when you were growing up and it is not easy today. We appreciate the efforts of our parents to raise outstanding young men and women in our modern, ever-changing world and we will continue to provide opportunities for us to partner in helping our students thrive in all aspects of their lives.